Insights

My Dear Friends,

I am writing at a time of the year that I know is very difficult to most. I have received many letters asking me how to get through the holiday season. It is a time when friends and family traditionally spend time together and show each other how much they are loved. They give gifts, share meals and tell stories.

What I find different about those of you who are in grief is that you don't need a holiday to share your love and tell your stories. Every moment of your day, the love and memories of your loved one who has crossed over echo loudly in your heart.

But still your loved ones here on Earth do need these celebrations. So it is expected of you to celebrate these holidays even though you may feel overwhelmed and sad. Try to take every chance you can to tell those you love how special they are to you. They are also suffering grief and may even have fears of losing you. Even though the holidays may be difficult, remember your loved one's spirit enjoys seeing all the people he or she cares for sharing their love.

For those of you who are ready to push forward this holiday season, take those who are close to you and let them know how much you love them. If you are not ready to face this holiday, that's ok. Maybe you will want to try to reach beyond the sadness so you can feel your loved one's spirit hold you during your solitude.

The spirits on the other side are instructing me to tell you to share their stories of laughter this holiday season. For the parents whose child has died, hold each other and feel your child's presence around you. For the child whose parent has died, close your eyes and feel your parent's love. For the wife or husband whose spouse has died, hold the family with strength. For those who are alone, know that your loved ones send their love down to you, knowing that when your journey on Earth is done, they will reach down to take you home.

For you who have the courage to teach spiritual laws, tell those around you that death may be the end of a life but not the end of your relationship. Let your loved one's spirit see a smile touch your lips when you share the stories that made him or her so special.

I have a client, Lauren, whose young daughter, her only child, died. After four years of grief, she found an organization for children who do not have parents. Lauren spent that Christmas there making those children happy. Her husband was very dissatisfied by her decision but Lauren told me it was better than sitting home.

I recently spoke to Lauren, and she is doing better dealing with her grief. This will be her sixth Christmas with this organization. To her surprise, her husband informed her that he will join her this year. Lauren has told me that when she sees smiles lighting up the faces of these children, she knows her daughter is smiling down on her. She also told me she has committed to other days besides Christmas.

Instead of trying to fit in the old tradition of her family's holiday routine while trying to pretend everything was all right without her daughter, Lauren changed her holiday routine and did something she wanted to do. At first your family may not agree, but what is important is that you find something that makes you happy. The most important thing is to know your loved one is not far away and that it is not the holiday that he or she will recognize from the other side but the love that is being shared.

Remember a holiday is man-made but the love, the giving and the sharing that these holidays represent is everyday. When we experience the impermanence that death teaches us, life becomes so precious that we don't need a holiday to love.

Love and Peace,
Marianne